I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
