I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize