coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
