I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
