and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
