Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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