Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
