On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
