Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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