So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
