He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
