Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
