I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
