He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
a search helicopter?!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
