I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
