my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize