it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
