is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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