I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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