Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
