you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
