I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
