I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
