I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
