i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
