if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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