I hate your face
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
