He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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