I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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