So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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