Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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