If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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