when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
