Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
