i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
