guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
