Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i now understand why vodka
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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