I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
