I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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