yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
