Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
