You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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