Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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