haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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