He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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