I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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