So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
