chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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