I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
