respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
