theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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