I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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