If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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