I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
