That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
