Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
