"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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