It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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