It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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