I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i think i just lost a toe
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
