Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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