Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
