Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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