Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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