Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
