That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
