last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she told me i tasted like america
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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