At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
