I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I am available for nakedness
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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