Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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