so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you made out with another girl for some wings
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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